Vacation
After writing my cell number up on the board, Adrian, a co-worker, asks, "Why would you want to leave your cell number if you're going on vacation?"

"Hey," I tell him as I fling my purse on my shoulder. "It's not like I'm gonna turn on my cell phone."

We both laugh at the joke as I walk out of my cubicle and head for the elevator.

I ain't jokin'.

Will Work for Food
It's 102 degrees out. My air conditioner went out of whack and the heater kicked in while I was at work a couple of days ago (it was about 105 in my apartment). Yesterday, I receivied a notice that my rent will be increasing by $100. The project that I'm working on at work has become a logistical nightmare while at the same time obliterating the budget it was given. Then, of course I retain water in the heat so I look like a beach ball with lips.

I can only hope that things will get better. Puhlease let them get better! I was expecting an increase in my rent. After all, I have a new terrace, new air conditioner/heater, new washers and dryers were installed on the premises for the tenants and the landlord put a new roof and replaced gutters. However, I didn't expect the increase to be so much all at once.

But, I'm trying to look on the brighter side of things. Like, how one day I'll look back and think, "Wow - you survived the stress!" Or, how one day I'll be shopping in the supermarket and buy myself a tri-tip roast to fix for dinner thinking, "Gee, Karen just think how far you've come!"

Trust me. It's no freaking consolation.

Heat Wave
Today it begins. Hot, hot, hot! The kind of weather where you-can't-breathe-it's-so-hot. I have never gotten used to this heat and you'd think I should by now since I was born and raised in this area.

Sundays
Sundays are my days. Mine. I work five days a week and on Saturday, I spend time with Tubby. On Sundays, I do whatever I want. Whether that be sleeping in or puttering around the house in my jamas all day, eating what I want, then taking a nap on the couch and finally waking up to the antics of Sponge Bob and Patrick. I briefly curse my inactivity and laziness, then finally take a shower at 3pm in the afternoon! I love my Sundays.

I woke up today to the sounds of sea gulls and wished I was living in San Diego. I'm wondering if I'll ever get my butt down there.

Mari called me and we argued for a bit (a normal thing, I assure you).

It's a very warm day today, which made it seem lazier than usual so I felt sorry for myself for awhile. Believe it or not, it's getting better - I used to feel sorry for myself 24 hours a day, 360 days out of the year for the past four years. See? Things are moving along quite nicely.

Rehearsal went well today. Afterwards, went to Tubby's and took her to Macy's and stopped at Starbuck's on the way back. She cooked me dinner and a few hours later we went to see Kim and the kids. What a full day!

I didn't have to give blood after all and was disappointed despite all the anxiety that I put myself though each time I make a decision to give blood. They were so backed up that I had to cancel because by the time that they would be able to take me was the same time I had a meeting scheduled that I needed to attend. But, the blood mobile (shudder) will return to work and I'll be right there in front of the line this time around. I'm going to request an early morning appointment so that I can get it over with!

Rehearsal last night went well. I feel that I am singing better :-) There's another rehearsal this Saturday with Jan. She'll be coaching us as we work on the competition songs. After rehearsal, I'm headed for Tubby's. I hope that the kids and Kim will be there.

Work has been stressful lately because I'm setting up the UEQ (User Experience Quality) Information Faire. I finally got the network drops completed for the PCs and monitors. I've got shipping handled for both the Arizona and Folsom sites - still need to work on Oregon and Santa Clara. I was finally able to complete the brochure today (yay!), although I didn't get to send off to have copies made because Stacie turned in the booth information at the last minute. One thing is for certain - I'll be glad when the faire is over. Basically, it's been a logistical nightmare. My main concern through it all has been the ten computers and monitors. They have to be shipped from site to site and I'm paranoid that they won't arrive on time so I told Stacie we better have a backup plan, that we may have to use our laptops if the 'puters don't arrive.

I'm about ready to zonk out so I am signing off before I end up with an imprint of my keyboard on my face.

Too-Loo ~

Well, I'm back. Tomorrow I'm giving blood and feel somewhat anxious about it. For some reason, my veins run deep so it makes finding them difficult. I'm prodded here, there, and sometimes, I've even had the needle go all the way into my arm only to have it withdrawn while the tech would mutter, "Well, that didn't work." More prodding, then another go at it. I hate it. This is the reason that I give blood about once every decade unlike Tubby, who gives blood about four times a year.

Picture It. . .
Karen sitting at the table her finger poised ready for the prick. The tech tears open the package holding the sterile pad then swipes my finger with it.

"AAhhhhHHHHHHH!"

The tech jumps her eyes wide, then she says, "Geez, I haven't even pricked you yet."

"Sorry," I mutter.

Then, there's all those small plastic bags of blood that are being stored away in ice chests. It's positively creepy.

But, I do enjoy having those little snacks and juices afterwards. I don't care what anyone says - having those does make it all better, although I'm wondering if they will ever give out Sour Patch Kids.

Picture It. . .
See? You can't, huh? Neither can I, dang nabbit!

[enter blogger's block]

Ohhh, so that's what it is.

Today, I was able to get more of my bink cards done. As soon as I get 20 made, I'm going to be sending them out for a trade. My plan is to make 100 cards in the Bink Series. So far I have 30 made and out of that 18 circulated.

It is too hot right now for me to stay on this computer. I'm melting. . . . must breathe. . . must go to bed and let air from fan blow across my body.

Ciao for now.

Friday Fives
I missed it for last Friday, but am going to post anyway.

1. How often do you do laundry? Once per week.

2. What's in a typical wash load? Clothes or towels.

3. Front or top loader? Powder or liquid detergent? Top loader, powder.

4. Do you use fabric softener in the rinse cycle? No. I use a Downey sheets in the dryer.

5. Dryer or clothesline? Dryer.

Karen's Gold Box
Each time I check someone's Wish List on Amazon.com, that is what shows up in the upper right-hand corner of the page: Karen's Gold Box.

That one made me giggle. Gold box indeed. I'm having happy thoughts on that one.

::: laughing softy ::::

Moving On
This feeling sorry for myself is finally getting old. I couldn't seem to shake myself out of that mode. It has been difficult for me to move on. I won't be dwelling on the crap that has been haunting me for months now. I am just beginning to enjoy again the simple things that have eluded me for a long time. I have begun reading and I look forward to spending time with my family. I am truly content visiting mom on the weekends and look forward to my upcoming vacation so that I can spend time with my sister and her kids. I don't want to be on auto-pilot any more - I want to feel stuff again.

So, I'm ready to move on.

I'm not sure where I'm headed - I just know that I won't be going backwards again.

Dear Jane
Jane - I have to tell you that the last few months things have been so-so with me 'cos I'm struggling with loneliness and low self-esteem due to the relationship that I had with with pencil-penis-minus-one-testicle man. And, then when I felt my sense of self-worth plunging to a place where I feared I may never see it again, I thought I'd have a go w/P. Well, that didn't work out either.

Now, it's not P's fault that things turned out the way they did, although it doesn't bode too well for my emotional state of mind. I know, Jane, that I really don't want P because he can't give me what I truly desire. Although, it sure would have been nice to have served someone again, someone that I am familiar with and not having to worry about whether or not the guy's a big, fat flake.

So, here I am feeling sorry for myself while thoughts of "why, why, why" keep running through my brain. Oh, the sorrowfulness of it all *hand to forehead* (eww, my skin is way too oily).

Where was I?

Thoughts of Revenge
Oh yeah, so here I am feeling sorry for myself unable to shake the anger and lonelines that K's behavior has caused. Lord I hope that man will get his reckoning soon, and Jane, I hope I am there to see it happen. I saw it happen to P with L, and must admit I felt like, "That's what you get!" Even though P and I were good friends, that thought went through my mind. Neener, neener, neener!

I know that one day my life will be better. Right now it's not constant misery (thank the Goddess!), but I have my moments. This past week has been the hardest because of K's "I'm not available" revelation. Things have been draggy-assed because of my state of mind. After driving home from singing rehearsal last Wednesday night and exiting off the freeway on to Z, I pulled up right behind a roach coach and couldn't help but think, "Oh great - that's my life. Always behind a damned food truck!" And, what perhaps made it even more fitting is that it was about 11:00 PM. Who the hell has ever seen a roach coach out that late? I am thinking, "Great, is this a sign? Am I gonna be a fat cow forever seeking greener pastures while eating its way into each new phase of its life?"

Then, of course, I had to test positive for "Harold."

Now, I daren't take the "Fantasia" test because I'll end up being that hippo chick with the skirt. I mean, we both know that's what I am when I put on my bathingsuit (the one w/the skirt), but to be tested positive for it, well there are some things at which humor exceeds its limitations.

I think there should be some sort of rule of thumb for nature when it comes to fat people. If a person is meant to be fat, then that person should never have to feel lonely or sad. I mean, how pathetic is it to be 1) fat; 2) alone; 3) hurt; and 4) craving all-you-can-eat Chinese food - all at once?!

Let's admit it.

Fat people are the most bravest and courageous people of all because we are forced to be that way. I mean, for instance, people who are bald can wear wigs and hide their shiny heads. Or, people with small penises and one testicle can wear clothes. Look at fat people, what can we wear to cover our fat? Oh sure we can wear black all the time - but c'mon, we just look big in black. Has anyone ever taken the time to do a study on just how slimmer black makes a chubba-wubba look? I think not.

Anyhoo, these are my meanderings for now. I'm sure I'll send you some more when I have more to give.

Take it easy, smiglette. I might see ya tonight :-)

Melancholy, Baby

This melancholy stuff has to stop already. The last four years of my life has worn me down. I'm truly alone now and must now do the best that I can in accepting that.

Somebody leave me a smile, ok?

The Tree

Today, the big beautiful magnolia tree outside my bedroom window was chopped down. This world doesn’t have enough trees. I hate that the landlord chose to have that done.

The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love

12. Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!
11. Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must.
10. Feel the force!
9. Foreplay, cuddling. A Jedi craves not these things.
8. Down here I am. Find a ladder I must!
7. Do me or do me not, there is no try.
6. Early must I rise. Leave now you must!
5. You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz's hand up my ass.
4. Happens to every guy sometimes this does.
3. When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?
2. Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!
1. Who's your Jedi Master? Who's your Jedi Master?

Courtesy of Sunny Side Up

Watering Mom's Yard

Mom went to Buv's and Jennifer's this weekend (my brother and his wife). She asked me if I could please water her yard while she's away? I said sure. So, on Saturday morning I drive over and cannot find her house keys (they're not where she told me she left them).

"Ma," I say to her on the cell phone. I'm standing in front of her door. "where's the keys? They're not under the plant."

"No," she agrees. "I told you I would put them near the plant - they're under the water bottle."

"You said you were gonna set them under the plant." I say to her as I lift the water bottle and snatch the keys up from under it.

"Same difference," she says. I silently groan.

"So," she says. "have you looked in the refrigerator yet?"

"Ma, how could I do that? I just now found the keys?"

"Oh."

I stayed there for about two hours making sure everything got watered. I changed the cat's water, made sure they had enough food to eat, plus I changed the bird's water. I finished a few pages of crossword puzzles that were laying around the house. Then, when I left, I had two bags of food she had for me to take home (that's why she wanted me to look in the fridge). Woo hoo! I don't have to cook for at least two days! Heh.

My Cuz

Today was a good day. I had my cousin Jane and her family over. It was great having them around me. The kids have grown and the youngest is cute as a bug. We played gammon (Jane is a gammon freak), swam, and had dinner. Of course, the best part was catching up.

I can talk to Jane about everything and anything. It's rare that I can't do that. Although we had always gotten along just fine, we were never particularly close until just about four years ago. Jane is my best friend. She never criticizes or judges me - she is just there willing to listen and give advice when I ask for it. In the last four years, we have been through thick and thin together and now we are just going through life together, period.

Tonight I couldn't help but think how old we are getting. We now sit around talking about how best to raise plants and not kill fishes. Our conversations are always laced with laughter and sarcasm shot from the hip with love. The mutual respect for each other is strong and so is our love for one another.

Jane is my hero.

Also, to add to my glorious day, I was able to sign up for one of the journals at 1000 Journals! Yay! I've signed up for journal #801.

My Friend

Today, I decided not to be a selfish friend. Today, I decided to let my friend go and do what he feels is right and not stand in his way and cause him any grief. It's difficult for me to do that because it means not having him to myself any more. But life goes on even if it means it's not going my way. I know it may appear that I am unselfish and a good friend, but really, it's about getting hurt - I don't wanna. So, the best way not to, is not to get involved in anything where there is a complication. OK, perhaps it's chicken shit, but right now in my life, it's all I can take.

Bawk!

Dreamin'

Hey, I dreamt of HTML, CSS templates last night.....uploading, creating and uploading....I am obsessed.

HOT!

It is hotter than hell! It was 103 degress in Sac Town today, and man, do I hate it! New air conditioner units were installed in the apartments and they're a pain. What happened to the good days when all you had to do was flip a switch? I have to program it - hell I can't even program my VCR.

I'm so obsessed with getting a new layout that I even skipped rehearsal tonight so that I can fool around with it. I just can't seem to find one that I like.

Lordy, I'm gonna log off - it's way too hot!

I Should Polish my Toe Nails

Today I went to work! Yay (deadpan voice). OK, OK, so I go to work five days a week. So much for trying to make my life seem extraordinary. However, I do whine good.

I wanna change my layout, but I don't know what I want, I wanna have a relationship, but me is afraid. I wanna go to bed, but I'm afraid I'll miss something. I know I should start working on the mail art projs that I have piled up instead of surfing aimlessly around the net, but again, I'm thinkin' I might miss somethin'. I don't know what, but I'm sure if there's something to be missed, I'll miss it. I should polish my toe nails. It's that time of year, but am too lazy. I need to do something with this hair of mine. I look like Ramona (you know, those illustrations from Beverly Cleary's book, "Ramona is a Pest"). OK - truth: I wanna move to San Diego and hang out at the beach with unpainted toe nails and Ramona hair.

It can happen.

Forty-Something
Zits. I knew I should have never bragged to my reflection in the mirror yesterday on how great my skin was looking. I woke up to find a big, fat zit on my chin this morning. I swear if it isn't my body sprouting things that a woman in her 40's should never sprout, it's my mind thinking things nobody should ever think. It certainly can't be the foods I'm eating. Nah. Not the licorice, Milk Duds, Doritos...hell, I drink diet Pepsi!

I was able to register at YACCS after trying for a couple of days. Now, if only I can have a comment or two. So, if you're reading this, just say hey!

I have CardCaptor Sakura eyes. *batting lashes*

Take the test here!! Made by Jenna and Robbie.

I Just Love Sundays
What a fabulous day! I get up when I want, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything!

Then, the loud knocking on the door could be heard and my enthusiasm for the day plunges to the floor.

Mari is over watching the Sacramento Kings play against the LA Lakers. She is screamin' the apartment complex down with her, "YEAH!" and her "YEAH!"

"Mari, " I say. "Can ya not be so flippin' loud?"

"Mom," she replies back with a roll of her eyes.

Well I did love Sundays...just not this one. This Kings craze is driving me nuts. Mari has the Kings fever like most do here in Sacramento. I asked her why her interest in them now? Is it because they're winnin'? She said yeah, but she has always liked the Kings. Yah right, I think to myself. Ya gotta love those so-called fans of a team that are not truly fans at all, but just like the team simply because they're in the play-offs.

I started my second LMAO at Nervousness - it filled up within three hours! Woo hoo! It involves square cards and words. I'll post the results when the LMAO is returned to me. I can't wait to see them.

I started reading a book - "Open Season," by Linda Howard. Linda Howard used to be my favorite writer. She started out writing for the Silhouette Romance series and even though she is now writing novels as opposed those serial books, her stories still pretty much read like a Silhouette romance - just has more action thriller components in it. I used to enjoy those sort of books, but now find myself getting bored with them. They're pretty predictable. The last book that I truly enjoyed reading was the fourth one in the Harry Potter series. I can't wait until the fifth book comes out.

Well, Mari just left in a down mood - the Kings lost. Admittedly, even though I'm not a fan, it would have been nice to see them play in the championship game.