House Hunting and the Blues

Lost the house that I bidded on, but will be going out tomorrow during my lunch hour to look at a couple more. This house hunting stuff is becoming a pain. That is the 2nd house that I bidded on. My cousin said don't get discouraged; your house is out there.

But where it is?

Been feeling blue today about G - I know why. I did something dumb. I sent my friends an e-mail letting them all know that I will be closing down my Yahoo e-mail account and that they could reach me on my Hotmail account - I included G in that e-mail and now regret it because of course I wished he would have replied to it, but he hasn't so I am going upside down over that.

I swear why did I do that? DANG!

Well now I will just have to get over this and quit causing myself unwarranted anguish. It's just not worth it.

Now hopefully I will remember this if I get another stoopit idea in my head.

Another Day

Today was a day filled with sadness. I went shopping at IKEA and all I could think of was G. I really miss having him around. Then when I got home I realized that this weekend was the first weekend that I have been alone for over a year.

Lord I will be glad when this weekend is over 'cos it's another doozey for me.

Tomorrow I will be going to the gym then to visit Mari and Arron. They invited me over for Easter dinner. In a way I dread going over there because it will be my first visit there without G.

I can tell that Spatz really misses G; he restlessly wonders around meowing. At first he wanted me to hold him a lot. I can tell he is getting better 'tho because he is not wanting me to hold him as much, although he still gets restless looking for G. Noodles seems to be ok, but she isn't as expressive as her brother.

I will be working from home this upcoming week because I got a doctor's note due to the ulcer in my right eye. The lighting at work causes me a great deal of eye strain whereas at home I can control the lighting and take lots of mini breaks.

Well I'm gonna go watch me a chick flick that I rented.

G'bye for now.

Better

Even though I'm sad about the break-up, I am beginning to actually see how better off I am because the relationship was so unhealthy for me - especially the last 4-5 months; I was miserable.

Every day looks brighter filled with a lots of reflection, and of course, moments of sadness. I am somewhat a little surprised that I am not steeped in misery feeling numb while every one of my senses ached horribly.

It's not that I didn't feel like that when G and I broke up because I did. I suffered badly the first 4 days and then when he left, it was a big relief although filled with lots of grief. The first night without having G here, it was really hard being alone after over a year of having him living with me. That was a doozey for sure to get through.

But it isn't so bad any more and it's been just one week since the break-up occurred. Surprisingly the familiarity of living alone has not been difficult for me to become accustomed to - I thought that would take a some time for me, but it hasn't. It's sorta weird for me to be healing so fast, but I ain't knockin' it - it's just different. I know it all means something great; I just have to figure out what it is, but all in good time ;-)

I feel stronger despite the sadness.

And, I can honestly say that although this break-up has caused me much sadness, I am not depressed about it.

I bid you g'nite for now.

Sadness Reigns

Life is going to be sad for awhile. G and i decided to go our separate ways. so for awhile sorrow will be my companion as i try my best to adjust in being single again.

G is still here but will be flying out next tuesday. it is almost unbearable. it's an amicable split, something that we have to do.

i am very sad and always tearful. i must be going through a trillion different emotions. i know there is an end in sight. i know there is a right way to go about this and a wrong way. i am learning not to think too much on those things that are a waste of what little energy i have.

i already miss G deeply

a tear...k

G 'n me 'n my Journal

I've just finished my journal entry. G had asked me to start keeping a journal on a regular basis back when we met last October. I kept it up regularly because it was easier when we were miles apart, but when we met I assumed I wouldn't have to keep making entries into it. Well, never assume right?

Let me tell you that I'm not a journal writer. I'm sure you can tell by how often I keep up with this blog. But keeping a journal is something that I reluctantly agreed to do because it pleased G, and I love pleasing that man. He wants an entry every single day. My entries are short and sweet (like me!). Sometimes though I have some big ass long entries, which make me feel accomplished. I asked G are you sure you don't mind that most of my entries are short dribbles of boring stuff? A lot of it is even repeat stuff that I have already talked to you about. He said, that's fine.

So I write.

And aren't you lucky reading this? I thought I'd share this tidbit of info with you ;-)

-xo

4th of July

First things first: Going to the gym wasn't so bad, but it was getting my ass there that was a pain. Once I was there, I did 30 minutes on the treadmill + 5 (cool down), then I was going to call it a night and head home. But I felt compelled to do the weight lifting that has always been part of my workout. So I did the weights - granted that I did not do the 3 reps of 15 that I have always done per machine, but did only one rep. I figure it's a good start considering that it's been a month since I last visited the gym.

A good regular workout in my life sure improves not only my body, but my mind and spirit as well. Not only do the boobies get a little lift, the self-confidence gets one hell of a lift!

Today G and I are going to Arron's (Mari's partner) for a 4th of July celebration that she and Mari are hosting. Arron's family is going to be there. Aside from Shay, Arron's sister, I have never met any of Arron's family, so in a way I'm kind of nervous. But that is nothing new - I have never been a social butterfly. I prefer my own company so any social gathering that involves people that I have never met or do not know, causes my nerves to churn a bit. However, G is in his element - he's a social kind of dude. For him it's about new experiences, something he embraces. So he is looking forward to it more than I am.

And this getting out of the apartment will be good for both of us because he and I have been holed up in it for the past three days and we need interaction of others or at the very least a different environment to break up the monotony - we're starting to get on each others' nerves.

We won't be staying late because I have to be at work for a staff meeting that's set to start at 7:30 am.

I'm already getting a headache just thinking about it.

Retention

I am amazed how some people can retain knowledge. Like for instance G can talk about stuff with a lot of knowledge that I may have learned about at one time or another, but have since forgotten - you know the saying, "If you don't use it, you lose it?" Well that is me. But not G. You can bring up almost any subject and he will know something about it - in great depth. How does he do that?

Man, the only thing that I can retain, and with great success, is water.

Hola

I realize it's been awhile since I've posted. I've just been busy with my work and my guy.

Work has been a bear at times, causing me a lot of pain and stress, which I am happy to say has somewhat subsided. But through it all my guy has been a rock.

So I'm still a lead admin despite the hell that I have been put through. My manager and the HR rep have been supportive, which has been a big help. There was a time when I almost left my job, but I have risen above the crap and moved on without worrying about another person's behavior. I did what I could and that's good enough.

So on to the good stuff.

The man in my life who I shall refer to as G or SirG ;-)

G and I now live together. We met online about eight months ago. Of course we have our ups and downs - how else can we learn from one another without some adversity? Like for instance putting the toilet seat down so my ass doesn't touch water.

Life is good.

-xo

Keeping Busy

Today is another day filled with activity as I prepare for the visit of the Boyfriend ;o) You know how it is...cleaning the apartment so that it is ever so sparkling clean, which means actually doing spring cleaning early. I hauled away two huge black plastic garbage bags of clothes to Goodwill. I threw away a ton of stuff in the garbage. I even moved a few things around and I must say that my apartment looks pretty darned great. Okay, maybe not great, but very good. How's that? Ha.

Today I have to take my sister to the airport where she is headed to Texas to visit with her partner. She plans on staying there for ten days.

Featuring a Glass of Whine with Karen

Last night as I was unpacking purchases from WallyMart, I noticed a couple of boxes of hair color and some shiny hair crap. I'm like, "WTH?!" I turned to Kim and asked her if these were her's. She said, "Nope." So I grabbed my receipt and sure enough found out that I was charged for this stuff. So now part of today's errands is going back to WallyMart and returning the crap.

It's rainy and windy out. I enjoy the rain so long as it doesn't rain past two days - ha. We're going on our third day here, so yes, read while I whine.

I detest slanted rain. What about my hair and my makeup?? All go to hell in hand basket <-- where did that saying come from anyhow? Anyone know, wanna share? Thx.

I'm finished whining.

Later!

Back, but Dunno for how Long ~

I know that I've been away for a long time. I just haven't been in the mood to blog. I've been preoccupied with other things such as work and having some romance in my life.

Yes, you read correctly; romance.

I am reluctant to talk any more about it because the relationship is so new, I don't wanna jinx it. Ha! Seriously - until the relationship becomes more established, I'll share.

Work is better. I've just recently put myself back on track. For months, I lost the motivation to go to work let alone be happy while I'm there. I was a bit frightened about the lack of motivation because honestly the last thing that I want to feel is dislike for my job. Why? Well I have to say that I like the company that I work for.

Everything is going well on the family front. Mari is now living in the apartment right next door to me! Kinda nice. Although she is rarely home, always spending time with Arron at her house.

Noodles is bratty as ever, but so darned cute that I can't smack her when she is being a brat - I spoil her too much.

Oh and I'm still going to the gym at least 4x's a week. I've lost 35 pounds!

Hood-lah!

-xo